A B-Boy Passover

Yesterday I went to a b-boy battle held in Washington Heights. It was supposed to be a five hour event and I worried about what I would eat. Normally, I would head out to the nearest bodega and/or food truck for sustenance but I doubted that any market in the Heights (Dominican section, not the Yeshiva University part) would have kosher for Passover fare.

So I brought a box of matzo with me.

As it turned out, I was too distracted during the event to get hungry. Not that a slice of matzo would've done the trick anyway since I rarely find chewing on cardboard (even whole wheat cardboard) to be a highly satisfying experience.

But even if I didn't eat it, I believe I hit upon a brilliant strategy for selling more of the stuff, year round.

Use b-boys to market it.

In the above photo we have B-Boy Meen187 in the first ever breaking ad for Manischewitz Whole Wheat Matzos. (Note the use of Ashkenazis- "matzo" is conjugated to the plural "matzos" instead of "matzot," with a hard Ttt sound. For more about Ashkenazis read this archived post.) His hair is carefully covered in the manner of married Orthodox Jewish women everywhere and should appeal to that particular demographic. He even wears an extra head covering, a trucker hat that might also lure the yarmulke crowd.

Now, we might have to redo the shoot since his expression doesn't really scream, "I'm about to enjoy a delicious treat!" as much as, "What is this thing Dvora put in my hand? I guess I'll point to it?" And he did not sample the product though he must've been hungry since he battled almost all the way to the finals before he was eliminated.

Some of you might be saying that breaking and matzo have little in common. While that is perhaps true here are a couple of things that they agree on.


1. Both are hardcore.

B-boys and b-girls practice for hours every week, frequently jabbing elbows into their abdomens in order to anchor freezes. Some might call them "gluttons for punishment" or "masochists." But that is hardly the truth. I and other b-people would prefer to call ourselves hardcore, not because we enjoy pain but for our unswerving commitment to the dance that we are willing to withstand some extreme discomfort in order to progress.

And what could be more hardcore (to your large intestine at least) than matzo? You need a family sized package of Ex Lax to dislodge the stuff after the 8 day holiday and yet (some) Jews are so committed to this food that they eat for the duration of Passover, weakened Ashknenazic GI tract be damned!

Which brings us to the next point.

2. Both matzo and breaking are associated with small groups and/or subcultures

This is kind of related to the first point, but only small, strange groups of people go for this kind of self-punishment. B-boys will travel to the ends of the city for practice or a battle and will hurl themselves into the floor in pursuit of a new move. Jews will cover their kitchens in aluminum foil so that they resemble the interior of spaceships. They will climb twelve flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator to avoid doing "work" on the Sabbath. No wonder neither group- breaking or Jews- attract sufficient converts to achieve some sort of critical mass.

But if eating matzo is so unpleasant, why would Manischewitz or any other brand invest money to market the stuff year round?

Because of the Gentiles. I hate to racially profile now that I've retired from the New Jersey State Troppers, but I'm gonna say it anyway- most b-boys and b-girls aren't Jewish. I know it's shocking that a dance noted for rhythm and physicality doesn't count a lot of Jews in its ranks.

But why does that matter, Jew or Gentile?

Because non Jews love the stuff! Every time I complain about the plague that is matzo in front of a Gentile, she tells me she loves it. As (mostly) non Jews, b-boys and b-girls are sure to love "the stuff".

With the existence of a year round market clearly proven there is no reason that Manischewitz shouldn’t attempt to reach from Jewish sub or small culture to another one. I can see it now- the Matzo Ball Jam, with perennial b-boy cosponsor, Red Bull. They can even manufacture matzo patterned headspin caps. I just hope they issue a warning that the Red Bull and matzo should not be consumed together. I have no scientific research to back this up but something tells me that cardboard and bull jizz shouldn’t ever be combined. The consequences might be lethal.

(About matzo but unrelated to breaking: One year while I was watching a friend move out of his off campus apartment at Penn, he happened upon several unopened boxes of matzo. Not wanting to waste it, he offered them to a homeless man who was hovering nearby. The man shook his head. "I know what that stuff is and I don't want it." I don't blame him. Until there is universal health care, the uninsured better avoid "that stuff.")