During shacharit (morning prayers), Jews typically bless God for being zokef kefufim, which translates to "straightening those that are bent." I suppose it's a reference to hunchbacks, scoliotics like myself, or perhaps even to crooked genitalia. The text does not get specific so a myriad of interpretations is possible and welcome. After all the Sages say, "There are 70 faces to the Torah."
Anyway, from my last suggested interpretation you can see I'm a master of innuendo as is anyone who grew up Orthodox and sexually repressed. I remember that in college when I hosted large Shabbat meals in my suite, I would sometimes invite the "token" Gentile, who in this story we'll call Susi. After the meal and the Sabbath, Susi called to thank me for the invitation. "I never thought I'd hear so much sexual innuendo spoken at a Sabbath meal," she remarked.
"It happens every week," I replied, referring to the innuendo though I suppose Shabbos also happens on the same schedule.
"Well I guess that makes sense. Since you guys can't have sex, all you can do is talk about it. Me, I can go back to my dorm and sleep with my boyfriend."
Rub it in Susi, I thought. Rub it in
Well tonight someone sent me another little irresistible bit of innuendo, which relates to the blessing I quoted at the beginning. The source wishes to remain anonymous. Apparently some people have dignity.
She wrote: "I'll be zokefet YOUR kefufim," which seems to imply something similar to that which I already stated. The speaker wishes to take that which is bent or flaccid and make it erect, though in this case, she wisely feminizes the verb's conjugation to zokefet. Sex, not gay sex, is being discussed (whereas in the original blessing, the masculine is doing the straightening on the masculine. How scandalous of Artscroll!)
And while we're on the topic of Hebrew grammar, let's discuss kefufim, which is in the plural. This is where the sexualized interpretation of the verse runs into a wall. Last time, I checked the only thing that comes in multiples in men's nether regions requires no straightening. But there is another possible explanation though admittedly, it is a stretch- one girl with two men. Or if we hew to the grammar of the original, two, perhaps maybe three men and no women.
God, I love Jewish text study.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
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5 comments:
I think you really grasped the essence of shacharit.
I know!
Can you believe that one of my rabbis thought I would turn out badly?
"Dvora," said he, "it's the smart ones we have to worry about."
Do you think I would've turned out this way if he hadn't said anything to me?
I guess we'll never know.
Never thought of it that way but I think you are on to something!
Dvora, are you really talking about straightening the bent and NOT mentioning the fact that this is one of the key elements of being a great gymnast? It's just sitting there waiting to be expounded upon!
@ Samurai Scientist- I should write a post or story about an alternate universe where that teacher kept his mouth shut and just signed my yearbook to see how I would've turned out.
@ EES- great idea. Look for an addendum in the near future.
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