What's the Matter with West Virginia (and South Dakota)?

I'm not particularly technologically inclined. Those of you who read this blog know this since I still can't seem to correctly size video embeds so they don't spill over onto the ads that no one clicks. (Come on- don't you need a Jewish marriage contract? Or a sparkly leotard? Or both?)

But recently I "discovered" the Map Overlay function on Google Analytics. (It's Columbus week so I feel justified in my choice of word. I know that others have made this discovery but they are less important. Also, this discoverer also comes bearing smallpox.) Now for those of you who also got off the computer short bus, Google Analytics allows me to keep track of how many of you lovelies read my warped rantings. And the Map Overlay function tells me where in the country (and in Canada) my readers are located.

I was very pleased to note that I have readers in every state of the Union except for South Dakota and West Virginia. And I don't get it. Don't the folks in "real" America need to know how to properly innuendize the prayers and the Torah?

Okay, so I'll admit this. Perhaps I've made one too many "Incest is Best" jokes in reference to West Virginia. And to that great state, I offer my apologies. I always appreciated that you guys seceded from Virginia to remain in the Union during the Civil War. No seriously, I do. One of the high points of the Civil War for me, right after the Gettysburg Address and the Emancipation Proclamation.

But come on South Dakota! Or SD. Can I call you SD? What have I ever done to you? And what I can do for you so you read my blog? I don't want my blog to become like the Republican Party- an increasingly regional, older white male party with a shrinking yet loyal base. My blog needs to be an enormous tent, like the Ringling Brothers Circus. I mean, I already write about gymnastics so we got the acrobats.

And to my loyal readers- please reach out to a friend in SD or WV and send the link. I need your help to spread my subversion.

Stay tuned tomorrow for some live blogging of the World Gymnastics Championships from London! (Presently going through my thesaurus to find more ways to say "sparkly." As in, "Rebecca Bross' leotard is sparkly." Or, "There are sparkles in He Xexin's hair.")