Jesus Never Hugged Nobody Like Dat!

How could I have not known about the Christian Side Hug until today? (Thanks Leah) It's the first cousin of shomer negiah, a subject that I have blogged about extensively. True, there is still some touch, but instead of full frontal, clothed crotch to clothed crotch contact, there is just hip connection. And hips aren't sexy. Not at all. That's why Shakira's song, Hips Don't Lie, was a big fat failure.

But some of you might be wondering- How do I properly perform a Christian Side Hug?

Well, it's your lucky day. There is an instructional music video. A rap, in fact. Again I ask- How could I have not known about this till today?



In this amazing video, the pastors turned rappers rhyming with a flow that would make Jay-Z and Busta Rhymes green with something- lets call it envy- in order to teach young Christians how to hug more like Jesus and his disciples.



I don't see any full frontal hugs in Da Vinci's The Last Supper, do you?

But perhaps even better than the Christian Side Hug video is what I found during my Internet research into the phenomenon: a list of the Top Five Abstinence-y music videos, brought to you by Washington City Paper. My cup runneth over.

A selection of lyrics:

I don't want your sex (for now)

Or: My spirit leads me to celibacy.

Sing it brothers and sisters!

And on that note, I wish you all a Happy New Year. Hope you all celebrate Shomer Negiah or Christian Hug style! (Until you get drunk, that is)