Saturday, July 9, 2011

NYC Weather is Anti-Semitic

In a surprising move, the Anti-Defamation League (ADL) has filed suit against the muggy front that has overtaken New York City, claiming that it is "bad for the Jews' hair."

Though Jews come in all shapes and sizes and their hair in array of textures, thick and curly predominates. This hair type doesn't react well with moisture in the air as it tends to expand exponentially, which has given rise to the Jewfro.

Look at what the anti-Semitic weather did to Jacob Ben Israel.

In fact, some Jews even have to flee the metropolitan area over the summer and live in bungalows and shacks instead of the comfortable homes they own in the city and outer boroughs just to escape the stickiness.

"If this continues," one Jewish New York woman complained, "my hair will grow to be as large as Amy Winehouse's beehive. And then I will get addicted to crack and all of my teeth will fall out. Then who will marry me?"

In response, Abe Foxman has accused the late spring through early fall weather of being anti-Semitic for its disproportionate impact on Jewish appearance. "While this affects other people who have similarly coarse and thick hair, it should be plain to all that the humidity affects Jews in greater numbers than it does the general population, which is why we have gotten involved." He also indicated that if successful against Big Weather, they might pursue Big Nature and springtime for pollen and spores.

The Weather, when reached for comment, insisted that it is not about Jews per se. "It's simply that Jews tend to live in coastal cities, which are more humid. But rest assured, when global warming comes and the sea levels rise, we won't distinguish between Jew and Gentile."

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