Thank God I have the most wonderful friends who send me beautiful little gems like the PSA below that was found in one of Orthodox community magazines.
But instead of warnings about smoking or drinking while pregnant, you've got a rabbi informing married women that their bodies, when seen by others, causes irreparable spiritual harm.
"For those that give attention even her hands or face descend to gehinnom," which refers to the Jewish notion of a hellish afterlife. Wait a minute--I thought the adage went, "Idle hands are the devil's worship." Maybe it's also "Visible hands are the devil's worship." I can't be sure because I'm not a Calvinist.
And not only that--she will also bear the responsibility for the impure thoughts and sins of every man she passes. Because men are creatures with so little impulse control that the mere sight of stray collarbone will send them into a sexual tizzy, right?
But it gets better. At the very bottom, the ad stipulates, "A Rav should be consulted before wearing any questionable articles of clothing."
"Questionable" sartorial choices doesn't just have to refer to necklines and skirt length, right? I'm sure these rabbis would love to judge whether I should pair my leopard print top with a yellow tulip skirt. (Actually that one is a no-brainer. Of course I should wear that outfit every day, weather permitting.)
But how awesome would it be to have a rabbinic guest judge on Project Runway to rule on the ensembles alongside Heidi Klum, Michael Kors, and Nina Garcia? He wouldn't be there to offer opinions on whether designers successfully fulfilled the requirements of that week's task. He won't care whether or black or vertical stripes are slimming. But he would be able to judge whether the women (models, designers, and judges) are giant sluts in the eyes of God.